Swim Party

Don’t knock, they know you’re coming. You enter the Williamson’s house. It smells of baked goods.

Don’t eat the cookies.

Patricia’s little sister greets you at the door. “Patricia! Eve’s here!” she yells. She takes off for the backyard.

Walk into the living room, where Mrs. Williamson has outdone herself. Besides the chocolate chip cookies, she’s baked an apple crisp, chocolate cupcakes, and oatmeal raisin cookies. The cupcakes are decorated with characters from Charlie Brown and the crisp is topped with Red Hots. The oatmeal chocolate chip cookies appear to be fresh out of the oven, moist and chewy. You look around. No one will notice if you take just one.

The kitchen door swivels open. Mrs. Williamson enters carrying a large vegetable platter and almost trips over Patricia’s dog.

“Allergy! Get out of my way!” she yells at her feet.

While she’s occupied with the dog, you stuff the cookie in your mouth.

“Eve, did you just eat a cookie?” She sets the plate on the buffet.

You swallow. “Yes.”

She frowns. “Should you really be doing that? Your mother will be upset with you.”

Your face turns beet red. “I’ll stick to the veggie platter.”

“Without the ranch dressing,” she says as she wags her index finger.

You check around you to make sure no one heard this exchange.

“Evie!” says a voice from behind you. Turn around to Patricia, whose bathing suit and sopping wet hair create a puddle underneath her feet.

“Happy birthday!” You smile, but not too big. Big smiles make your cheeks fat. “Here, this is for you.”

“Can I open it now?” she asks.

“Fine with me, just don’t let your mom catch you.”

The turquoise gift bag contains a silver bracelet you bought with your mom at an Indian trading post in Albuquerque with the intention of saving it for Patricia’s birthday. Etched silver surrounds five turquoise stones in a flower design.

She tries it on. “Oh Evie, it’s beautiful! I’d wear it, but I don’t want the chlorine to mess it up. Thank you so much!” She gives you a hug, leaving a wet mark down the front of your shirt. “Well, go change! We’re all out in the pool.”

You go to the bathroom to change into your swimsuit. It’s black. Your cover-up shorts are also black. Black is slimming, your mother told you. No one will notice your thighs and your stomach will appear a bit flatter. You wanted to wear your bright pink tankini and boy shorts two-piece. Mom said that suit is only suitable for wearing at home. You brought both anyway.

Put on the pink suit. It’s a bit tight around your waist. You step onto the edge of the bathtub and scan your body in the mirror. Your hands run over your waist as it curves into your hips and thighs, cellulite ripples visible in the fluorescent light. You narrow your eyes, which diminishes the fat dimples. The kids outside will not be squinting enough to reach the same effect, despite the glare of the sun off the surface of the pool.

Look out the window. Three skinny blonde girls are playing a pool game. You would trade places with any of them in a heartbeat.

Put on the black suit and the black shorts. Watch yourself turn into a shadow. Throw a shirt on over your suit.

You open your backpack and take out a bag of M&M’s. A few minutes longer and Patricia will wonder what happened to you, so you eat the entire bag quickly, handful after handful of candy-coated chocolate-covered peanuts. Fear that your teeth are covered in chocolate. Fear that Mrs. Williamson will notice. You cup your hands under the running faucet and bring them to your mouth. Swish the water, then spit it out. Wish you could throw up on command.

You walk to the back patio. The girls swim in the shallow end of the pool. They don’t notice that you’ve come outside. The guys play basketball in the deep end, clueless to even the pretty girls vying for their attention.

“Aren’t you going in?” says Missy, coming out from the sun room.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute,” you reply.

She walks to the shallow end and sits at the edge of the pool.

You forgot your flip flops. The Kool deck burns your feet. Sit next to Missy. Kick your feet in the water.

“Patricia showed me the bracelet you gave her. It’s really nice,” she says.

“Thanks.”

The basketball flies toward you. Missy catches it and throws it back to the boys.

You look at your painted toes. Wonder if the chlorine will ruin the polish.

Patricia swims over. “The boys want to start a game of shark. You two want to play?”

“I’m in,” says Missy.

You freeze. You can’t join them. It’s not possible. They will only see your stomach bulging over the swim shorts. “Not right now,” you say. “I just ate lunch, I can’t swim on a full stomach.”

The game begins. No one notices you sitting by yourself. Go back inside and put on a shirt over your suit.

You leave the party. Walk to the convenience store at the corner of the block.

You put a bag of Fritos Chili Cheese Corn Chips and a Coke on the counter. The cashier smacks her gum and raises her left eyebrow. “You sure you don’t want diet?” you think she’s asking you in her head.

She has an annoying mole above her upper lip that wants to be pinched off. You pay with mostly change. Once outside you chug the cola and open the chips.

Stop in front of the Kane’s yard. Rings of creamy white flowers crown each of their seven saguaros. You would like a crown of flowers for yourself, but the flowers are too high up to pick. So you steal a yellow rose from another neighbor’s house. You never remember their names, so you don’t feel guilty. Put it behind your ear. You should head back to the party.

Twirl your hair, brushing the ends against your cheek, and you realize you forgot to brush your teeth this morning, so you dig through your backpack to find a stick of gum. With chips still stuck in your teeth, you start chewing.

“Evie! Evie! I know that’s you, Evie!”

You turn around to see Karin riding her bike toward you.

“Aren’t you going to Patricia’s birthday party?” She has shorts on over her swimsuit, a pair of goggles on her forehead and a beach towel around her neck.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a bit.”

“Good, see you there!” She rides off.

Go home the long way to avoid walking by Patricia’s house.

Mom and dad left you a note. “Don’t eat the leftovers from Reynoso’s, we’re saving those for dinner.” They went to Home Depot for more paint for their room. Mom paints their room every year, alternating between Sage Green, Summer Yellow, and something called Mystic Morning, which as far as you can tell is just a shade of lavender.

Go to your room. Lay in bed on top of the quilt Aunt Oline gave you the previous summer. Run your fingers over the hand-stitched flowers as you scrutinize the picture on your nightstand. You, Missy, Karin and Patricia pose for Mr. Williamson in front of the tiger exhibit at the Phoenix Zoo. You stood in the back so only your face was visible. You’ve been told you have a pretty face. Apparently that’s not good enough.

Walk to your dresser. Lean over to get a close view in the mirror. Slightly suck in your cheeks. Lift your hands and cover your double chin. Start to cry. Cover your face and collapse on the berber carpet. Wail, knowing that you are all alone in your house.

A few minutes pass. You stand up and wipe the tears off your face. Change into your pink swimsuit without looking at yourself in the mirror. Don’t put on a T-shirt. Don’t cover yourself with a towel.

No voices. Mom and Dad still aren’t home yet.

Take a clean beach towel from the laundry room. Go outside. Remove the pool fence key from the hook above the porch light and unlock the gate. Don’t close the gate behind you. Take the rose out from behind your ear and place it on a deck chair.

Feel the warm Kool deck under your feet. Get a running start and then jump into the pool. The cold water shocks your skin. Blow bubbles through your nose and watch them rise to the surface.

Swim ten laps.

Reach the steps and gasp for breath. Spread your towel on the grass and lay in the sun. Listen to the birds sing as they eat at Mr. Hager’s birdfeeder.

Get the flower from the deck chair and put it behind your left ear. You walk into the house, almost dried from the sun’s rays.

“Eve, I didn’t know you were here,” says Dad as he turns around in the swivel chair. He’s sitting at the computer doing something involving an Excel spreadsheet. “Patricia just called. She wanted to know why you left. I told her I didn’t know where you were.”

“I forgot something,” you say. “I’m going back now.”

“Do you want a ride?”

“No thanks, I’ll walk.”

Gather your things- your towel, goggles, sunscreen, beach bag. Put on a shirt.

You don’t walk, you run. Run past the Kane’s saguaros, past the elementary school, past the corner where you ran into Karin. Run all the way to Patricia’s house but stop at the front door. Realize you forgot your black suit; you’re still wearing your pink two-piece with a T-shirt. You consider running home to change, but Patricia’s sister bursts through the door.

“Evie! Where did you go? We already opened presents and ate cake and now everyone’s back in the pool.” She grabs your hand. “Come on!”

“Laurel, I have to go to the bathroom first. I’ll meet you out there.”

“Whatever,” she says. For the second time today you watch her run to the backyard.

Notice you’re standing next to the dessert buffet again. All the cookies have been eaten, as well as the crisp. One cupcake remains, the one decorated with a picture of Charlie Brown. Look around for Mrs. Williamson. Enjoy your Charlie Brown chocolate cupcake, every bite moist and rich.

Consider checking your stomach in the bathroom mirror. Don’t.

Walk outside, where the other kids are playing Marco Polo in the pool. Missy is it. She’s swimming after Kevin, but he’s much too fast for her.

Throw your shirt over the pool fence. Start walking toward the deep end. Notice your shadow dancing on the Kool deck. The sun is setting, elongating your outline. You are tall and skinny.

Patricia motions for you to come play.

Missy tags the youngest Williamson child. He looks as if he might cry, so Karin takes pity and swims in front of him. Karin is it.

Step onto the diving board.

Karin swims back and forth under the diving board. Kevin and Charlie swim to the steps and get out of the pool.

Step off the board.

“Fish out of water?” Karin yells.

Take a running start. “You bettcha!” you yell right before you hit the water.

Cannonball into the pool, creating waves.